you know you're having a bad day when ...

will the real gabrielle romero please stand up

picture this -

a staff assistant from my office goes down to security to sign in a candidate, gabrielle romero*, who has come for an interview. as good manners requires, the staff assistant greets ms. romero by name and brings her to the conference room for the interview. i then meet her at the door with a hearty and welcoming - "you must be gabrielle romero. i'm the flipflop fed. let's go and meet the rest of the interview panel."

we enter the room and i announce - "may i introduce gabrielle romero." at which point the panel stands and each of them, without exception, begin their introduction with "it's nice to meet you gabrielle." niceties complete, we all sit and ms. romero begins to toss around her business cards like she's dealing us all in for a quick hand of texas hold 'em. while dealing, gabrielle romero mutters something about it being holiday time and how this is the best time to do a little business.

we were all so confused! first, by the random throwing of the business cards, then by ms. romero's seeming desire to sell us something at the beginning of her interview, and finally by the fact that ms. romero's business cards bear the name of someone altogether different - charlene tomczak*.

it was then that i inquired - "who is charlene tomczak?" the woman calmly replies - "i am. isn't this the small business meeting?"

turns out that this woman wasn't my interviewee, but a random woman who decided to answer to a name that wasn't hers and end up in an interview with the department of education instead of her small business training with the department of housing and urban development!!!

go figure!

fyi - the real gabrielle romero showed up for the interview 45 minutes late never having called to report her delay and never apologizing once she arrived.

*names changed to protect the moronic

but i wonder how they would feel if you buy your drugs from them?

it's beginning to look a lot like ...

just say "christmas!" because if it wasn't so dark and i had actually taken the time to care about taking this photo you would see a beautifully decorated house glistening in the moonlight.

homeland security?

i write today in absolute fear and bone-quaking terror that the department of homeland security may have misrepresented its capabilities and is not, in fact, prepared to provide security to this here homeland - particularly our borders. perhaps you're thinking - "oh flipflop fed, calm down with your hyperbolic self" - but i beg you to hold off on making any snap judgements until you read this ...

recently, the department of homeland security's united states immigration and customs enforcement (ICE) has moved into the building next to the flipflop fed's building. with it, ICE has brought lots of new "g-man" types and a soon-to-open cafeteria. BUT, the big rumor is that we, non-ICE employees, will not be able to use the cafeteria because of security issues. that brings me to the main point of this post

YOU'VE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!?@!?!?~?

that would mean that the agency which has been entrusted with protecting our nations borders does not believe it can cannot protect itself from a fellow bureaucrats (with security clearances) on their lunch hour? now that really builds my confidence!

prop 8 - the musical

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

in the criminal justice system the people are represented ... these are their stories

a recounting in verse of what happened two nights after thanksgiving -

twas saturday after thanksgiving, when all through the house
only two cats were stirring, one stalking a mouse.
the doors were all locked, brinks system alarmed
in hopes that none of the residents would be harmed.

the visiting parents were nestled all snug in their beds, while visions of peaceful sleep danced in their heads.
and kristin in her sweatpants and i in my shorts, had given up our bed – my aren’t we sports!

when several blocks away there arose such a clatter, four rapid fire gun shots through the silence did shatter.
jolted awake, our eyes open in a flash,
with bated breath, we waited for the parents to dash.

with a ring of the phone, we were summoned upstairs,
the mother recounting the crime, not a detail she spares.
she was straightening the bed, when the shots did ring out,
like flash to the window, she sprang, have no doubt.

by the light of the moon, she clearly could see,
a non-descript man with a gun held at three.
realizing her folly, she fell to the floor,
failing to notice if he walked through a door.

“now Sherlock! now Watson! now, doctor scarpetta!
on, poirot! on, sam spade!, on mrs. jessica fletcher!
to the sidewalk we go! To the scene of the crime!
grab your coat! bring the torch! the spent shells we must find!”

“now mother, the shots were afar, it’s the middle of night.
there’s nothing to find, you’ve had a real fright.
the police have been called, it’s their job to comb the streets.
let’s all just go back to bed, get you tucked in your sheets.”

and by morning, though the sun was shining bright,
the mother was focused on the events of the night.
we reasoned, and pleaded, but couldn’t unstick,
mother’s memory, of a crime by a non-descript prick.

as we gathered outside, standing by their car door,
our neighbor, passed by, on her way to the store.
when asked of the shots, she calmly replied,
“it didn’t happen near here, it was not on our side.”

with a quick turn, mother glanced at the sidewalk,
clearly hoping for spent shells and starting to balk .
kristin and i shared a quick look, it had became rather clear,
there shall be no more crime novels, for mother this year.

(thanks to ellen for the brilliant idea of coopting the classic poem and thanks to kristin for help with the verse, but most of all - thanks to my mother!!)

an instant thanksgiving classic

my parents are visiting from upstate ny for thanksgiving. they arrived yesterday evening and will leave on sunday morning. not a lot of time, but we'll cram in as many memories as we can - and boy did the cramming begin early this thanksgiving morning. we hadn't been up for an hour this morning when a knock came at the door. it was nanay boo (finally learned how to spell her name), one of my favorite neighbors. she was in her pajamas and came to borrow a ladder because she had locked herself out of the house. i tried to tell her that our six foot ladder would do her no good since she lives in a second floor apartment, but she took it anyway.

my parents, the cute ones from upstate ny - the ones who don't necessarily have a lot of experience with the likes of nanay boo - just smiled as nanay boo left and my mother remarked - "she is beautiful isn't she? does she have a job?" to which my father, without missing a beat, replied - "yeah, on the street." the best part was that his response was so matter-of-fact with no judgement attached - like he'd seen it a million times before!

soon nanay boo returned to give back the ladder - which didn't work - and asked if she could use the phone. the phone was to call 911 and tell the operator that she had locked herself out of her house and that her entire thanksgiving meal was on the stove and in the oven. she described in great detail the turkey, greens, and macaroni and cheese that would be the cause of an inferno that would soon engulf an entire city block should the fire department choose not to immediately respond. (of course there was no food because she was going to her mom's for dinner.) about five minutes later the sirens could be heard rounding the corner and i looked out the window to see the approaching hook and ladder - and nanay boo waiting ever-so-nonchalantly, cigarette in hand, on the front porch.

would i like to be a fly on the wall next friday when my parents go for their weekly dinner date with their lifelong neighbors and the neighbors ask - "so tell us all about your trip to dc!"

sleep picking

i woke up in the middle of the night with a vicious bloody nose. the air isn't dry and kristin didn't punch me so all i can think is that i was picking my nose while i slept! i've heard of sleep walking, sleep talking, and even sleep eating, but could it be that i'm the first documented case of sleep nose picking?

a story about catie curtis

this story begins with catie curtis, continues with catie curtis and keeps on going. right around the turn of the century on the first friday in october, my life changed forever. my friend annie and i went to the movies and then decided to go to the monthly lgbt grad student mixer at club cafe - affectionately known as "club gay" or "club cliche" - in boston's south end.

(two things here - 1) contrary to what you will hear from the other resident of this house - i WAS NOT on a date with annie, and 2) while my grad school days were a few years behind me, annie's were not so it was okay that i was there and i WAS NOT there because i was on a date with that current grad student - contrary to what you will hear from the other resident of this house.)

like any lgbt event, there were ridiculous numbers of "g's" and about 7 "l's" so it was easy to quickly scope the scene. i immediately noticed this tall, floppy-haired hotty who happened to be wearing the exact same outfit as me - really wasn't that out of the ordinary since it was lesbian outfit #15 (black turtleneck sweater, jeans, and black boots) - standing across the room. but, instead of heading over, i headed to the bar to talk to some of my friends for the rest of the gathering. towards the end of the night, i found annie. she was huddled with 4 of the "l's" talking about what to do next.

TFHH was no where to be seen. and then, seemingly from nowhere, she appeared with a bright smile that immediately brought a smile to my face. she gave her name, but i couldn't hear a thing with the music blaring. regardless - i brought her into the circle where we all decided to head to club passim to hear catie curtis.

(two things here - 1) boston/cambridge has an excellent "girl and guitar" music scene and passim is a great place to listen to them play, and 2) catie curtis has always been one of my favorites - great emotive lyrics and a clear love of life.)

of course the show was sold out, but no matter. when a show is sold out, passim, being the progressive and accessible place that it is, pipes the music out on to the street and let's you stand and watch the show through the window. so there we were - me, annie, TFHH with no name and the 4 other "l's" standing on the sidewalk, listening to catie curtis, getting to know each other - blah, blah, blah, blah, blah ... cut to 11:30, 20 minutes before the T was going to close.

TFHH with no name, annie and i boarded the train headed for davis square and continued to talk. we started walking home and began to realize that we had more and more in common - me and TFHHWNN, that is. annie turned off first. TFHHWNN and i kept walking until it was my turn to turn off - but the thing is that we were both totally intrigued. we stopped and talked ... and talked ... and talked ... until it was 3:00 am!

(one thing here - i called annie a little after 3:00 when i got home to ask her if she ever got the name of TFHH. she was less than amused and never talked to me again after that night! maybe we WERE on a date?!)

a lot of details and years follow, but the parts that really matter are - 1) the TFHHWNN was named kristin, 2) kristin and i really got to know each other after that catie curtis concert and came to think of that night as our first date, and 3) kristin turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me - the love of my life and the person that makes me smile like no other.

this all brings me to november 21, 2008 ... and a catie curtis concert. kristin and i headed to the birchmere last night to hear her sing - the first time since that night in cambridge more than six years ago - with lori mckenna. (thankfully, the birchmere, unlike passim, had space for us since the temperature was hovering right around freezing and it would have been miserable to stand outside and listen!) catie curtis was fantastic - just like that night in cambridge more than six years ago. and kristin and i had just as much fun spending time together as we did on that night in cambridge more than six years ago. really the only differences were that catie curtis had some new songs and kristin and i made the turn off to home together instead of having to talk on the corner for hours.

giddy fans that we are, we bought her new album after the show and waited in line to get it signed. we told her of the story of us "meeting" at her show back in 2002 and then ... kristin shooed me away!! the nerve that she would even consider talking to catie curtis on her own!!

the next part of the story is a little too new, a little too special, and a little too full of details that i'd like to keep to myself for now. but, i thought you might want to know what catie curtis had to say about it ...

tales from the v7

i sat next to tianna yesterday on the bus. she lives around the corner with her parents and two brothers, is four and was on her way to school. as we passed by harris teeter she informed me that her mom works in the bakery and brings home their dinner every night. some times it's chocolate cupcakes and other times it's vanilla cupcakes with rainbow sprinkles. she doesn't like other food - just cupcakes. i asked her if she liked school and she does - especially when they have birthday parties and kids bring cupcakes. she likes the chocolate ones the best. i asked her if she was learning anything and, in an earnest tone, she said - "i'm learing my abcs, how to count, and not to touch poisonous things that will make you itch." then she got off the bus.

i've never felt so gay

okay so there are the times, before i head off to my softball games, when i'm out in my flannels in the yard, melissa etheridge blasting in the background, working with power tools while the cats frolic away ... or the times when i reflect on my first date with kristin that started in 2002 and continues to this day ... and of course the times that i engage in the process of processing the process ...

maybe i should have said - "i've never been so acutely aware that i'm gay" or "i never been made to feel so gay" because that's how i've been feeling lately.

there's the passage of proposition 8 in california and the fact that people would spend millions of dollars of their hard-earned money to pass an initiative that would deny me equality under a state constitution. (this one's tough! you've got to wonder what is so horrible about two people wanting to publicly commit to one another that would motivate a person to donate millions of dollars to the cause that would prohibit that.)

then there's the court order compelling e-harmony, the online dating service, to offer services to gay and lesbian daters. the new service, a separate - but equal? - site will be called "compatible partners. (wow! the court even has to say that i have the right to online date?! two things here though - should a private business really be forced to offer service to everyone? shouldn't they be allowed to be exclusive? and i'm not sure that i would even want to use eharmony's services - these are the same people who "matched" my best friend with a guy that was dressed like a pirate.)

and while, intellectually, i understand that it's human nature to have a "low man on the totem pole" or an "identified patient" - emotionally, i can't help but wonder what is it that i'm doing that is so wrong???? arguably, and by most anyone's standards, any parent would be blessed to marry their daughter off to a successful harvard grad who's financially stable, owns their own home and is wholly committed to the betterment of others - and, might i add, wears flannel like no other.

where will you be on january 19th?

i will be at the white house participating in a smudging ceremony to drive out the evil spirits before the obamas take residence on the 2oth. that's right, in the tradition of many indigenous cultures, hundreds of thousands of millions will gather to light sage and circle the white house with the thick smoke needed to cleanse the property of the past eight years of contemptible, nefarious, unethical, villainous, and just plain wrong behavior.

i wish that i could say that i came up with this BRILLIANT idea, but alas all of the credit goes to kate clinton. don't know kate clinton - well you should. she's one of the funniest women around.

will you join me?

colored??!!?? - and she wonders why obama didn't want her help!?

remember when barack obama chose not to take lindsay up on her offer to host a party? turns out it was probably for the best since lindsay thinks it's some time in the 1950's - in the deep south.

(listen closely about 10 seconds in as miss lohan describes obama as our first "colored" president.)

i bet she even has a lawn jockey on the grounds of her vast nassau county estate.

barack + 7 - or - "nothing has changed"

seven days have passed since i sat anxiously awaiting the election returns and i'm here to tell you that, barack or no barack, the old adage - the more things change, the more things stay the same - is true.

1) my cats still fight even though i've taken to overdosing them with homeopathic calming elixirs.

2) my neighbors are still the best. (today we were all out raking leaves. well, i should say that THEY were raking and i was vacuuming with my brand new blower/vacuumer that blows/vacuums at 230 MPH!!!)

3) i'm still a lesbian. (any doubt? refer to items 1 and 2 above.)

4) the metropolitan police department still needs a lot of work.

it's this last constant that is most frustrating!! here's the story ... while cleaning up from vacuuming leaves, i found a number of stolen purses in my trash cans. i knew that the police would take forever to respond if i called 911 (low priority and rightfully so) so i decided to deliver the evidence to the police myself. i walked in, proudly announced that i was doing my civic duty and was promptly informed that they didn't care. they told me that they don't accept property, stolen or otherwise, at that particular police station and i would have to go to the main police station, or go home and call 911, if i wanted to make a report. WHAT!!!! they have special stations for different types of crimes? they're the police! shouldn't they want to assist the public when illegal activities have transpired - irrespective of the location where they learn about the offense?

in typical flipflopfed fashion i refused to accept their explanation and presented them with many different scenarios - "what if i met you outside the door when you go out for your cigarette - you mean to tell me that you wouldn't take a report? NOPE; "what if i called 911 and reported my location as this substation - you mean you wouldn't take a report? NOPE."

after about 20 minutes of throwing out "what ifs" and coming to the conclusion that i was fighting a losing battle, i went home and performed the duties of the mpd myself - i called the owners of the purses and arranged for them to come and pick up their property.

well said keith olbermann

i'm in love!!!!

here's the thing ...

i want to believe will.I.am. i really do ...



but frankly, i'm having a difficult time when we live in a place where, on the exact same day that we shattered the ultimate color barrier, the people of three states decided that i'm a second class citizen and should not be given the same rights as the rest of the citizenry because of who i love and where the people of another state decided that i would not be an acceptable parent because of who i love.

so as the euphoria begins to fade and reality rears it's ugly head, i am reminded that, while one glass ceiling has been broken, many others remain ...

**and why is it that the one over my head seems to be made out of 7 in. bullet proof plexiglass reinforced with chicken wire and covered with a piece of steel that has been welded shut?

a preview of what's to come

i'm still basking in the euphoria that is the anticipation of the -

OBAMERA

(pronounce o-bam-er-a and it'll make sense)

so i don't really want to divert away any energy - positive or otherwise. but, there will soon come a time when i won't be able to contain my annoyance (perhaps teetering on the edge of rage?) and i will have to break down and express my frustration with -

california ... disney ... and ethiopia

because unfortunately, while one ceiling has been broken, many others remain.

once in a life time

"rosa parks sat down so the rest of us could stand up

we stood up so dr. king could march

dr. king marched so jesse could run

jesse ran so obama could win"

the preceding quote is attributed to former louisiana congressman cleo fields. the following is jay z's riff on the theme and the following following the "following" is a recount of my experience today.

"rosa parks sat so martin luther king could walk.

martin luther king walked so obama could run.

obama's running so we can fly"

this morning will no doubt go down as one of the most memorable times of my life. i woke up visibly excited to go and cast my vote for barack obama. i opened the door to head up the street and i was greeted by my next door neighbor with hands raised in the air - smile blazing - announcing that she had just returned from our polling place. as we talked, our other neighbor emerged from her house and asked if i was ready to go to vote. we walked the two blocks to the polling place and from more than half the distance could see that we would not be alone. the line stretched from the door, down the street, and around the block - easily 200 strong.

everyone was there - the old ladies from around the corner, the guy running for school board, the 18 year old who's frantically searching for a job, my favorite person to be nosy with, the jamaicans from across the street, the single father and his son, the corner boys who've never voted before. the line was long and the air was damp and cold, but the atmosphere rivaled that of a carnival.

and while this scene would be blog-worthy in almost any neighborhood, it was this experience ... in this particular neighborhood that sets it apart. this neighborhood, my neighborhood, is almost exclusively african american (and by exclusively, i mean everyone except me and kristin). the pride and anticipation on the faces of my neighbors was palpable. i could see the awe and wonder and was privileged to experience first hand, the collective realization that it was their turn to fly.

palin gets pranked

this is unbelievable! but really it's not because it's unbelievably true! the canadians are so much cooler than we are. ashton kutcher could have never pulled off this.

learning from lifetime

i've recently learned that the lifetime television network has a profound impact on many of the people with whom i come into contact on a daily basis. therefore, i bring you two episodes of "everything i need to know i learned on lifetime."

a while back, after returning at close to 2:00 am from receiving the life-altering diagnosis that our beloved hubert had a debilitating case of earwax, we came upon at least half of the 6th district police officers parked in front of our house. they had pulled over a woman for driving with a open container and were going through the motions of issuing a ticket. a rather benign scene you say. and it would have been if nay nay boo had not been out on the neighbor's porch taunting the police. at first, she just started in with the standard - "why are you always harassing people? there are people being murdered in this city and you're worried about an open bottle of beer." but, after realizing that the young, white, rookie woman officer was clearly paying attention to her every word, nay nay boo kicked it into high gear. (now i don't what it is, but every tranny i've ever met is funnier than the next. nay nay boo is just that much funnier.) she targeted the officer and began to question, in a very loud, theatrical voice, whether or not the officer was behaving like she was because she was racist. after a few go arounds with the rhetoric, nay nay boo decided that the woman was a racist and then explained why she had come to this conclusion - because she had seen it a million times on "lifetime." she went on to tell the officer that it was okay, but, in the end, the officer would get hers. and how would she get it? why she would have a daughter and that daughter would grow up and become impregnated by a black man and that baby would be half black and the officer would have to raise a half black baby because the officers daughter would become blind and end up dying of cancer ... and how did nay nay boo know this? "because that's what happens on lifetime!"

that brings me to tonight. tonight i was riding in the car with my neighbor and we began to discuss the prospect of me and kristin having kids. i told her that we were seriously planning right now and were trying to decide whether we will have a bio kid or whether we will adopt. at which point, she cautioned me that we need to be careful when we get sperm because a lot of crazy dope fiends donate just to get the money for more drugs. she also wanted me to understand that getting pregnant "that way" is not that easy. she told me a story about a woman who tried and tried but could not get pregnant - that was until she was raped by the doctor performing the insemination!? and how does she know this? she "saw it on lifetime."

i'm clearly watching the wrong station.

hmmmmm ....

in defense of white americans

not sure what i think

oh sara, my sara

oh sara palin, sara palin. i've held my tongue for so long. there have been so many things that i've wanted to talk with you about.

i've wanted to talk to you about making sure that the christ, and the principle's by which he lived - loving your neighbors, not bearing false witness, taking care of the less fortunate - is present in your christianity. and not because i'm a better christian - far from it - but because it's a little disingenuous to tout your christianity from one side of your mouth and espouse things that are very un-christlike from the other side.

i've wanted to talk to you about femininity - about the fact that with every wink when you don't know an answer, every "come hither" hair flip when you're way out of your league serves to destroy the ground work laid by generations of women before you. because the fact is that we can be strong and feminine at the same time - alluring, beautiful, competent women. so give the cute wink and flip your hair, but please BE PREPARED, DO YOUR HOMEWORK, KNOW THE ANSWERS ... (unfortunately, i think that you're going to have to do a lot of the research yourself because the mccain campaign doesn't seem all that interested in helping you; rather i'm afraid that they're just happy to capitalize on the wink, the hair flip, the fancy pageant walkin' ...)

and that - allowing the mccain campaign to write things for your delivery without you doing your due diligence to fact check and make sure that they are actually plausible - brings me to what finally pushed me over the edge ... your first major policy address. yesterday, you chose to talk about educating kids with disabilities - something you care about deeply and the cause to which i've dedicated my life. i have a lot of concerns with your pronouncements. briefly -

1) while parents know their children better than professionals, i do not believe that all parents have the professional knowledge necessary to make all service delivery decisions for their child with a disability. that's why the system is designed the way it is - parents and professionals working together to build a program that makes sense. would you assert that a parent alone is in the best position to make medical decisions for their children? that a parent with no medical training should unilaterally decide the course of treatment for their child with cancer?

2) be clear that full federal funding of special education amounts to 40% of the EXCESS cost of educating a child with a disability.

3) be clear that assigning funding to a child will still not always cover the cost of educating a child with a disability in the school of the parents choice - just like vouchers have fallen way short of allowing recipients to access the most prestigious, and generally most expensive programs.

4) research costs money (something your running mate has not historically supported) and research requires stem cells.

so sara, believe what you will, tout what you want, but know that the special education lobby (parents, researchers, state agencies, advocacy organizations, lawyers, lawyers and more lawyers) is voracious and they will be waiting at your doorstep on day one to hold you accountable. good luck!

(by the way - i'm listening to john mccain right now and education is NOT on his list of federal programs that will escape his spending freeze. might i suggest a bake sale ...)

fancy pageant walkin'

no, for real - it's called CRACKER COUNTRY

there's a place in florida where you can go to "relive florida's rural past." Cracker Country, as it's called, has to be one of the world's best puns - EVER.

i can just hear it now -

announcer: john mccain - you just won the 2008 presidential election! what are you going to do now?

john mccain: I'M GOING TO CRACKER COUNTRY!!!!!

returning

it's been almost a year since my boss and friend lost her valiant battle with cancer. today a group of us honored her wish and returned her to the sea. while walking down the beach, the same beach that she visited just two weeks before she passed, a friend found a rock inscribed with the word "love" in all capital letters. just a few yards later, we found a shell with the same inscription. someone even remarked that it looked like her handwriting?! weird ... *the flipflops are her's, adopted by me

cute parents photo

welcome to cincinnati, KENTUCKY

okay, i've never pretended to be any sort of geography wiz, but i know that cincinnati is in ohio. at least i THOUGHT it was in ohio until last thursday. that's when i had a layover in cincinnati on my way to syracuse. (yes i flew west to go almost due north and yes, what could have been an hour flight took six hours from door-to-door. that's federal bureaucratic efficiency for you!) i disembarked and headed to my next gate. on the way, i noticed that everything said "kentucky." rightfully, i was a little confused seeing that my ticket said "cincinnati" and remember that's in OHIO. turns out that cincinnati IS in ohio, but the cincinnati, ohio airport is in kentucky. go figure.

oh dear god ...

... now i've heard it all! i'm up here visiting my parents in what is most politely described as a conservative stronghold. rush limbaugh for breakfast on at least two radio stations, frequent ads for the nra, and more mccain yard signs than i'm willing to count - gives you an idea of what i'm dealing with. well that's all "liberal" banter compared to what i heard tonight. tonight, i was informed that barack obama may, in fact, be an operative placed in the united states by some nefarious source. and this wasn't just a fleeting thought. this man was actually able to articulate a well-developed theory beginning with - who had even heard of barack obama before 2006. i tried to tell him that he was well known to the people of chicago and had even established a state-wide presence in the illinois senate. he would have none of it. he told me that the pictures from that time were probably doctored. to that i countered - "well, using that logic i could easily argue that john mccain was never really a prisoner of war." he told me that was nonsense because we have all seen the pictures. you now see why i disengaged and didn't even attempt to sway his thinking. oh the "315!"

the benefits of the "we'll start some day" investment strategy

while others of our generation of excess are stressing about mortgage payments on houses they couldn't afford in the first place or watching in horror as their nest eggs disappear, kristin and i are, for the first time, feeling the benefits of our "no investment" investment strategy. now, up until about a month ago, even kristin and i were kicking ourselves for our lack of investments. but, look at us now - sitting pretty without a thing to lose. (insert diabolical laugh here.)

the amish market is neither amish nor ...

with a level of anticipation rivaling that of what ralphie parker must have felt on christmas morning, we headed off this morning for the amish market in upper marlboro. i could hardly wait for the authentic lancaster county experience - plain people selling wholesome goodness and handcrafted masterpieces. well, i'll give them the pretzels and whoopee pies, but the rest of it reminded me of an "amish experience" safeway/indoor flea market staffed by mennonites.

now, i have no doubt that the stoltzfus deli probably at least knows of the people who made their lebanon bologna, but i'm not so sure we could say the same about those hawking the meats. the meats were advertised as free range, grass fed, blah, blah, blah. i probably would have believed them had i not witnessed the woman in the back removing the bacon from a store package prior to bringing it to the front counter! and then there were the grapes from chile, the apples from washington state, and the "homemade" chocolate that had clearly been packaged before.

if all of that weren't disappointing enough, much of what was sold in the furniture/handicraft area was made in china - not china, pa ... CHINA, CHINA! some of the furniture was probably authentic amish/mennonite made, but a quick inspection of other pieces revealed shoddy craftsmanship. i mean what self-respecting cabinetmaker would STAPLE boards together. even i know to look for the dove-tailed joints.

still holding out hope for a true bird-in-hand experience, i rounded the corner with excitement after my partner announced - "ah, finally - authentic amish!" imagine my disappointment when right before my eyes i saw ...

so fuck the amish market in upper marlboro. i'll have a more authentic experience the next time i go to safeway and request that the deli worker wear a covering before dishing out my "amish potato salad." (but don't be fooled into thinking that i won't go back for the pretzels!)

buidling a nationals stadium for the nation

stop me if you've heard this before. the most powerful person around attempts to sell the taxpayers on doling out enormous somes of public money - money that could otherwise be spent on activities like public education, public health - to assist beyond wealthy private entities with a project that they really should be able/required to handle on their own. taxpayers are told that providing this money is necessary to bring economic revival and are promised that when the private entities succeed we will all succeed. further, we are assured that there will be a return on our investment - so no worries.

listening to bush sell the bailout plan brought me back to the days when anthony williams, former dc mayor, was explaining to district residents why it was necessary, and in the city's long term interest, to publicly fund a new baseball stadium. we were promised major crowds bringing major money that would lead to major increases in sales tax revenue. and then there was the rent - the coffers would overflow with the money paid to the city by the team's billionaire owners. the reality is that the team sucks, the people don't come, the people that are there are buying as much as expected, and the owners refuse to pay rent.

the lesson - throwing money at something doesn't necessarily bring success. so -

NO NATIONALS STADIUM FOR THE NATION!

they call me hook tuneup palin

i've totally been wondering - what sarah and todd would have named me had god seen it fit to birth me to the palins? and, thanks to polit tsk tsk tsk, i wonder no longer. they would have called me - hook tuneup! now THAT has a nice ring to it ...

**thanks to urbanmennonite for finding this site

could it be? ethical behavior after 8 years of ...

i don't pretend to be any sort of expert on financial markets or even understand what is happening with the bankruptcies and bailouts, but i did find it interesting that this administration passed on lehman brothers and then put the hook into the deep end to rescue aig. i get that lehman's was smaller, the failure of aig posed a bigger threat to the economy blah blah blah ...

but then i came across this interesting tidbit on the huffington post - the bush family is quite connected to lehman's. wouldn't that just have been a massive conflict of interest if the government had provided a bail out? could it be that ethical, and dare i say jesus-like, behavior has finally surfaced after 8 years of corruption and callous disregard for what is right and fair?

trying to make sense of it all

some times i feel like living in dc, particularly during an election, is like living the opening paragraph of "a tale of two cities" - you remember the lines from the book you sort of read in middle school ...

it was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way ...

these are the best of times and the worst of times. dc is politics and politics are dc. and while politics are exciting, it's insane that we are forced to watch and re watch campaign ad after campaign ad even though there's more of a chance that the nationals will win this year's national league pennant than the voters of this area electing anyone but a democrat. sure you would expect that npr would offer political commentary, but it's not something you would necessarily expect between the latest offerings from the jonas brothers and taylor swift. that's dc reality.

foolishness and wisdom abound. foolishness rules the day - has anyone else noticed that sarah palin is getting a pass or that the royal they are attempting to trick women into believing that palin is an acceptable substitute for hillary clinton? i've heard little wisdom. until today ...

saturday, tim wise posted this fantastic critique entitled "white privilege, white entitlement, and the 2008 election" on buzzflash.org. read the article and read the comments - they're quite telling. pass on the link when you're done.

a stroke?

we returned yesterday from a glorious, summer-ending week at the beach only to be greeted by one pissed off cat that pissed on whatever he could find and another cat with clear neurological issues. while, the first cat mocked us as we cleaned, the second was taken on an after hours trip to the animal hospital. the details ...

about 10:30 pm i noticed that hubert's head was twitching and shaking. calmly, we performed our own exam and noticed that the twitching and shaking became worse when we pressed on his neck directly below his ear. then, we FREAKED! kristin uttered the unfathomable - brain tumor - and i quickly jumped to a world without our beloved big-boned fat cat. we called the animal hospital and they told us to bring him in right away.

he was such a trooper on the way in - no meowing, just a calm and collected kitty. it's like he wanted to leave us with one final beautiful memory. he valiantly made it through the triage and waited patiently to be seen by the doctor. all the while, i prepared myself to say goodbye and attempted to remain stoic.

finally, at 1:00 am the doctor called us into the exam room. she performed the routine exam and then moved on to the neurological tests - eye exams and the like. she poked and prodded, stuck and swabbed. after what seemed an eternity, she took a deep breath and gave her diagnosis - ear wax and a bill for $110.

... is that an african name?

recently, i was telling a friend about a new neighbor that's moved in. she's really tall with long hair, a nice figure, flipper-like feet and the hands of a meat packer. i also shared that her name is Nay Nay Boo. my friend inquired as to the origin of the name and wondered if it was twi, ga or one of the other ghanaian languages. it was then that i informed her that the name is in fact strongly rooted in the english language and is commonly translated as "transsexual prostitute."

feeling poor?

global rich list

will help you put your feelings in perspective.

things didn't look so bad when i found out that my salary puts me in the top 0.66% globally. now the challenge is to spend smarter ...

the south of jetty house homos

the house band. every good bar has one. and i'm happy to report that my beach, north shores south of jetty, has our own version of the house band - the house homos.

let me paint the picture - north shores, the best strip of sand south of provincetown, is divided in half - literally. a rock jetty divides north and south and gay boys and lesbians. boys to the north and girls to the south (the boys also get the people with dogs and we get the stray heterosexual family here and there.) i don't believe there's any official rule on the books, but it plays out that way weekend after weekend and year after year. until now ...

as of this year, south of jetty is sponsoring the house homos - a fabulous look-alike couple from philadelphia. they know all the old girls and are the life of the party. want to know what happened last night at the only lesbian bar - the house homos know. who's the best contractor in rehoboth -ask the house homos. where should i go for dinner - oh, house homos!

the housing crisis - who's not getting blamed

my partner and i have been talking recently about the housing crisis and, if groups must be blamed, who's deserving of the blame. clearly, no one factor led to the bubble bursting - lenders flowed money like water gushing from an open spigot, builders constructed more new housing on spec than could ever be purchased, individuals borrowed more money than they could ever pay back, and the government regulators sat back and watched it all happen.

however, one key piece of the equation that is rarely mentioned - the realtors. unscrupulous realtors preyed on uninformed, or just plain stupid, consumers. case in point - we bought our house at the tail end of the housing boom. with good credit scores and a solid employment history, we were easily approved and given the opportunity to borrow more money than we were capable of paying back. but, we were informed consumers, knew our limits, and signed on for a 30-year fixed rate mortgage that was within our budget. while noble, and certainly the correct decision, it severely limited our housing options ... and the number of realtors that were willing to work with us. we were clear on what we wanted (a house - row house was fine - in the city, with a yard) and how much we were willing and able to spend, but that did not stop one realtor from telling us that we just weren't looking at the "right" mortgage. she informed us that she could get us into a $750,000 house (the amount for which we had been approved) with manageable monthly payments. what she didn't mention was that we would have multiple mortgages, each with a varying rate, and each with payments that would balloon after the initial low introductory rate. simply put, our manageable mortgage payment would last for a limited amount of time and then we would be faced with a payment that we could not afford - stop me if you've heard this story before ...

all that got me to thinking, what are those realtors doing to keep their profession out of the mix, out of the media. i haven't been able to deconstruct it all quite yet, but i'm thinking advertising dollars and political contributions have something to with it. opensecrets.org shows that the national association of realtors has donated in excess of $32 million dollars in the past 18 years to a variety of candidates and political parties. i realize that $32 million may not be that much, but it would be interesting to research the exact recipients of those dollars. something tells me there are a few key committee chairpersons in that group. it would also be interesting to see how much this group spends annually on advertising on television and in newspapers - surely in excess of $32 million. i think i might consider keeping my journalist mouth shut if a potential investigative target was contributing to my salary.

those are my initial thoughts and now i'm hoping that kristin, with her highly analytical and far superior mind, will pick up the baton and run with the rest of the thought in one of her blog posts on the center of concern website.

the drama continues

today was all about ...

breaking the "no work" rule - third verse

i know i've vowed not to talk about work, but this is just too good ...

one of the perks of my new job is a cube by the windows (i'm taking joy in the small things) and with a new work space comes new neighbors. all of my neighbors are just fine. it's just that some, a group of contractors with whom i share a wall, seem to be living a continuous soap opera. i like to call it -

the days of their bold and restless one life to live that really needs a guiding light or they're looking at a stay in the general hospital for the desperate housewives

daily, i hear stories of missed mortgage payments, problem bosses, problem partners and general malaise. i even get to hear the sounds of anonymous chomping and smacking as one person chews with their mouth open from the time they arrive until the time they leave. but today took the prize. i wasn't privy to the question on the other end of the phone line. all i heard was -

the feet are fine. it's just the rash and asthma ...

defying logic

john mccain's newest add absolutely defies logic. see if you can make the connection -

obama

higher taxes

more government spending

"so fewer american jobs"

WHAT? the sad part is that there's a large portion of our society sitting back and thinking "right on john! way to make sense of it all!"

unbelievable

beijing 2008 - women? what women?

women the way we like them - as cheerleaders in skimpy outfits and big come-hither smiles or with hot bodies and nice asses ...

not sure if you caught the opening ceremonies, but if you did you would have noticed, among the spectacular pageantry and cinematic triumph, a dearth of female participants. that was until the end, when 2008 scantily clad, highly made-up chinese women cheerleaders greeted the olympians. honestly, was there nothing else the organizers could come up with?

but, the objectification of women did not stop there. check out the one photo of chinese beach volleyball player tian jia from the official nbc site. or president bush seemingly admiring the gluts of misty may. these are world class athletes and we should be celebrating the fact that they kick ass and not their actual asses.

(the link will take you to the day 1 gallery. it won't be difficult to find the offending photos.)

barbara's bringing it down in beijing

last seen at her sister's wedding, barbara "b-list" bush hits the olympics with another b-lister bush - marvin bush ... i wonder if they're laughing because the jumbo-tron caught marvin picking his nose?

so maybe i should have watched the whole season

the short guy won

reality show finale whore

it's true. i'm one of those people that eschews the reality show genre ... until it comes the finale. you get all of the benefits of the entire season without wasting one hour a week rotting your brain. for example, for just tonight i'm the completely-addicted- biggest-fan of "so you think you can dance" (or sytycd since i'm in the know). now the one draw back of drive-by reality show viewing is that i don't know any one's name, but i'm rooting for the tall guy.

say it isn't so ...

... it's happening$&!!#$!! i thought i could resist, but i believe i'm falling victim to the power of the crack - the "crackberry" that is. it's SO addictive - from reading the paper on the bus in the morning to having a pavlovian response to the sound of the "you have a message" buzzing, i'm hooked! and it's only been four days!

pride cometh before ...

i'm a little worried about obama. seems like he's taking the whole "presumptive nominee" to a new level. i understand that a lot of this is perspective and the spin that's spun by the 4th estate, but really i'm worried that many people may not see past the opinions of the pundits and begin to wonder if this guy isn't just too full of himself. i'm worried about what will happen if the conversations in the local diners and supermarkets switch from what is best for the future of the people of this country to "who the hell does this guy think he is? maybe he's not one of us or he doesn't and won't represent my interests." i worry that those in the inner-circle are riding the wave of celebrity and not having the "hey wait!" conversations.

so obama, in the absence of jeremiah wright, i remind you - "a person's pride will humiliate him or her, but a humble spirit gains honor."

my blogging funk ...

... no, not that kind of funk and certainly not the funk that grows between your toes. i'm talking about a full-on, i'm-on-the-computer-all-day, i-just-don't-feel-like-thinking-or-typing-when-i-get-home kind of funk.

i'm hoping that i'll soon come across a topic that inspires, but until then ...

(maybe tomorrow when i get my blackberry - the 21st century version of the deputy badge!)

the center of concern

while i toil in the apex of bureaucracy, my partner is raising awareness of domestic and international economic development issues at the center of concern. coc is truly an amazing organization and i'll let you explore their site and figure that out for yourself.

the focus of this post is three new public awareness videos that they've released recently. produced PRO BONO by a top-notch pr/marketing firm (yes, there are some in the private sector with their efforts in the right place), the spots are quite compelling. take a look and let me know what you think - better yet, pass them on to your friends so we all can begin to think about how we can affect change in the world in which we live ...

will you answer the door?



next time you take a bite out of one of these ...



light bulb

surf bagel

another example of all that is right with the world.

more city living ...

... i've previously shared some insights into city living, but failed to mention that there will be trash - and lots of it. wrappers, chicken bones, empty cans and bottles, and bags end up on the streets. most of it belongs in the garbage can, but some pieces are better used as landscaping accents. case in point, discarded bottles make a perfect garden border. i bring you our version of recycling ...

hello kettle, it's the pot calling ... part deux

could it be that I'M a hypocrite? you decide ...

the 4th of july in our neighborhood is a little out of control. the fireworks displays rival those on the mall. the one problem is that some of the pyrotechnicians are just learning their craft and are not all that accurate with their placement. simple translation - make sure your home owners insurance is up-to-date when children under 10 are armed with lighters and projectile explosives. this is no joke! we actually came home early from a party last night just to make sure we would be able to give the police a full description of the delinquent that burned down our house. but, alas it never came to pass.

in fact, it was just the opposite! we were treated to a dazzling display safely staged one block away. so, instead of calling the police to report the illegal activity, we took pictures! take a look ...