i've never felt so gay

okay so there are the times, before i head off to my softball games, when i'm out in my flannels in the yard, melissa etheridge blasting in the background, working with power tools while the cats frolic away ... or the times when i reflect on my first date with kristin that started in 2002 and continues to this day ... and of course the times that i engage in the process of processing the process ...

maybe i should have said - "i've never been so acutely aware that i'm gay" or "i never been made to feel so gay" because that's how i've been feeling lately.

there's the passage of proposition 8 in california and the fact that people would spend millions of dollars of their hard-earned money to pass an initiative that would deny me equality under a state constitution. (this one's tough! you've got to wonder what is so horrible about two people wanting to publicly commit to one another that would motivate a person to donate millions of dollars to the cause that would prohibit that.)

then there's the court order compelling e-harmony, the online dating service, to offer services to gay and lesbian daters. the new service, a separate - but equal? - site will be called "compatible partners. (wow! the court even has to say that i have the right to online date?! two things here though - should a private business really be forced to offer service to everyone? shouldn't they be allowed to be exclusive? and i'm not sure that i would even want to use eharmony's services - these are the same people who "matched" my best friend with a guy that was dressed like a pirate.)

and while, intellectually, i understand that it's human nature to have a "low man on the totem pole" or an "identified patient" - emotionally, i can't help but wonder what is it that i'm doing that is so wrong???? arguably, and by most anyone's standards, any parent would be blessed to marry their daughter off to a successful harvard grad who's financially stable, owns their own home and is wholly committed to the betterment of others - and, might i add, wears flannel like no other.