an instant thanksgiving classic

my parents are visiting from upstate ny for thanksgiving. they arrived yesterday evening and will leave on sunday morning. not a lot of time, but we'll cram in as many memories as we can - and boy did the cramming begin early this thanksgiving morning. we hadn't been up for an hour this morning when a knock came at the door. it was nanay boo (finally learned how to spell her name), one of my favorite neighbors. she was in her pajamas and came to borrow a ladder because she had locked herself out of the house. i tried to tell her that our six foot ladder would do her no good since she lives in a second floor apartment, but she took it anyway.

my parents, the cute ones from upstate ny - the ones who don't necessarily have a lot of experience with the likes of nanay boo - just smiled as nanay boo left and my mother remarked - "she is beautiful isn't she? does she have a job?" to which my father, without missing a beat, replied - "yeah, on the street." the best part was that his response was so matter-of-fact with no judgement attached - like he'd seen it a million times before!

soon nanay boo returned to give back the ladder - which didn't work - and asked if she could use the phone. the phone was to call 911 and tell the operator that she had locked herself out of her house and that her entire thanksgiving meal was on the stove and in the oven. she described in great detail the turkey, greens, and macaroni and cheese that would be the cause of an inferno that would soon engulf an entire city block should the fire department choose not to immediately respond. (of course there was no food because she was going to her mom's for dinner.) about five minutes later the sirens could be heard rounding the corner and i looked out the window to see the approaching hook and ladder - and nanay boo waiting ever-so-nonchalantly, cigarette in hand, on the front porch.

would i like to be a fly on the wall next friday when my parents go for their weekly dinner date with their lifelong neighbors and the neighbors ask - "so tell us all about your trip to dc!"

sleep picking

i woke up in the middle of the night with a vicious bloody nose. the air isn't dry and kristin didn't punch me so all i can think is that i was picking my nose while i slept! i've heard of sleep walking, sleep talking, and even sleep eating, but could it be that i'm the first documented case of sleep nose picking?

a story about catie curtis

this story begins with catie curtis, continues with catie curtis and keeps on going. right around the turn of the century on the first friday in october, my life changed forever. my friend annie and i went to the movies and then decided to go to the monthly lgbt grad student mixer at club cafe - affectionately known as "club gay" or "club cliche" - in boston's south end.

(two things here - 1) contrary to what you will hear from the other resident of this house - i WAS NOT on a date with annie, and 2) while my grad school days were a few years behind me, annie's were not so it was okay that i was there and i WAS NOT there because i was on a date with that current grad student - contrary to what you will hear from the other resident of this house.)

like any lgbt event, there were ridiculous numbers of "g's" and about 7 "l's" so it was easy to quickly scope the scene. i immediately noticed this tall, floppy-haired hotty who happened to be wearing the exact same outfit as me - really wasn't that out of the ordinary since it was lesbian outfit #15 (black turtleneck sweater, jeans, and black boots) - standing across the room. but, instead of heading over, i headed to the bar to talk to some of my friends for the rest of the gathering. towards the end of the night, i found annie. she was huddled with 4 of the "l's" talking about what to do next.

TFHH was no where to be seen. and then, seemingly from nowhere, she appeared with a bright smile that immediately brought a smile to my face. she gave her name, but i couldn't hear a thing with the music blaring. regardless - i brought her into the circle where we all decided to head to club passim to hear catie curtis.

(two things here - 1) boston/cambridge has an excellent "girl and guitar" music scene and passim is a great place to listen to them play, and 2) catie curtis has always been one of my favorites - great emotive lyrics and a clear love of life.)

of course the show was sold out, but no matter. when a show is sold out, passim, being the progressive and accessible place that it is, pipes the music out on to the street and let's you stand and watch the show through the window. so there we were - me, annie, TFHH with no name and the 4 other "l's" standing on the sidewalk, listening to catie curtis, getting to know each other - blah, blah, blah, blah, blah ... cut to 11:30, 20 minutes before the T was going to close.

TFHH with no name, annie and i boarded the train headed for davis square and continued to talk. we started walking home and began to realize that we had more and more in common - me and TFHHWNN, that is. annie turned off first. TFHHWNN and i kept walking until it was my turn to turn off - but the thing is that we were both totally intrigued. we stopped and talked ... and talked ... and talked ... until it was 3:00 am!

(one thing here - i called annie a little after 3:00 when i got home to ask her if she ever got the name of TFHH. she was less than amused and never talked to me again after that night! maybe we WERE on a date?!)

a lot of details and years follow, but the parts that really matter are - 1) the TFHHWNN was named kristin, 2) kristin and i really got to know each other after that catie curtis concert and came to think of that night as our first date, and 3) kristin turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me - the love of my life and the person that makes me smile like no other.

this all brings me to november 21, 2008 ... and a catie curtis concert. kristin and i headed to the birchmere last night to hear her sing - the first time since that night in cambridge more than six years ago - with lori mckenna. (thankfully, the birchmere, unlike passim, had space for us since the temperature was hovering right around freezing and it would have been miserable to stand outside and listen!) catie curtis was fantastic - just like that night in cambridge more than six years ago. and kristin and i had just as much fun spending time together as we did on that night in cambridge more than six years ago. really the only differences were that catie curtis had some new songs and kristin and i made the turn off to home together instead of having to talk on the corner for hours.

giddy fans that we are, we bought her new album after the show and waited in line to get it signed. we told her of the story of us "meeting" at her show back in 2002 and then ... kristin shooed me away!! the nerve that she would even consider talking to catie curtis on her own!!

the next part of the story is a little too new, a little too special, and a little too full of details that i'd like to keep to myself for now. but, i thought you might want to know what catie curtis had to say about it ...

tales from the v7

i sat next to tianna yesterday on the bus. she lives around the corner with her parents and two brothers, is four and was on her way to school. as we passed by harris teeter she informed me that her mom works in the bakery and brings home their dinner every night. some times it's chocolate cupcakes and other times it's vanilla cupcakes with rainbow sprinkles. she doesn't like other food - just cupcakes. i asked her if she liked school and she does - especially when they have birthday parties and kids bring cupcakes. she likes the chocolate ones the best. i asked her if she was learning anything and, in an earnest tone, she said - "i'm learing my abcs, how to count, and not to touch poisonous things that will make you itch." then she got off the bus.

i've never felt so gay

okay so there are the times, before i head off to my softball games, when i'm out in my flannels in the yard, melissa etheridge blasting in the background, working with power tools while the cats frolic away ... or the times when i reflect on my first date with kristin that started in 2002 and continues to this day ... and of course the times that i engage in the process of processing the process ...

maybe i should have said - "i've never been so acutely aware that i'm gay" or "i never been made to feel so gay" because that's how i've been feeling lately.

there's the passage of proposition 8 in california and the fact that people would spend millions of dollars of their hard-earned money to pass an initiative that would deny me equality under a state constitution. (this one's tough! you've got to wonder what is so horrible about two people wanting to publicly commit to one another that would motivate a person to donate millions of dollars to the cause that would prohibit that.)

then there's the court order compelling e-harmony, the online dating service, to offer services to gay and lesbian daters. the new service, a separate - but equal? - site will be called "compatible partners. (wow! the court even has to say that i have the right to online date?! two things here though - should a private business really be forced to offer service to everyone? shouldn't they be allowed to be exclusive? and i'm not sure that i would even want to use eharmony's services - these are the same people who "matched" my best friend with a guy that was dressed like a pirate.)

and while, intellectually, i understand that it's human nature to have a "low man on the totem pole" or an "identified patient" - emotionally, i can't help but wonder what is it that i'm doing that is so wrong???? arguably, and by most anyone's standards, any parent would be blessed to marry their daughter off to a successful harvard grad who's financially stable, owns their own home and is wholly committed to the betterment of others - and, might i add, wears flannel like no other.

where will you be on january 19th?

i will be at the white house participating in a smudging ceremony to drive out the evil spirits before the obamas take residence on the 2oth. that's right, in the tradition of many indigenous cultures, hundreds of thousands of millions will gather to light sage and circle the white house with the thick smoke needed to cleanse the property of the past eight years of contemptible, nefarious, unethical, villainous, and just plain wrong behavior.

i wish that i could say that i came up with this BRILLIANT idea, but alas all of the credit goes to kate clinton. don't know kate clinton - well you should. she's one of the funniest women around.

will you join me?

colored??!!?? - and she wonders why obama didn't want her help!?

remember when barack obama chose not to take lindsay up on her offer to host a party? turns out it was probably for the best since lindsay thinks it's some time in the 1950's - in the deep south.

(listen closely about 10 seconds in as miss lohan describes obama as our first "colored" president.)

i bet she even has a lawn jockey on the grounds of her vast nassau county estate.

barack + 7 - or - "nothing has changed"

seven days have passed since i sat anxiously awaiting the election returns and i'm here to tell you that, barack or no barack, the old adage - the more things change, the more things stay the same - is true.

1) my cats still fight even though i've taken to overdosing them with homeopathic calming elixirs.

2) my neighbors are still the best. (today we were all out raking leaves. well, i should say that THEY were raking and i was vacuuming with my brand new blower/vacuumer that blows/vacuums at 230 MPH!!!)

3) i'm still a lesbian. (any doubt? refer to items 1 and 2 above.)

4) the metropolitan police department still needs a lot of work.

it's this last constant that is most frustrating!! here's the story ... while cleaning up from vacuuming leaves, i found a number of stolen purses in my trash cans. i knew that the police would take forever to respond if i called 911 (low priority and rightfully so) so i decided to deliver the evidence to the police myself. i walked in, proudly announced that i was doing my civic duty and was promptly informed that they didn't care. they told me that they don't accept property, stolen or otherwise, at that particular police station and i would have to go to the main police station, or go home and call 911, if i wanted to make a report. WHAT!!!! they have special stations for different types of crimes? they're the police! shouldn't they want to assist the public when illegal activities have transpired - irrespective of the location where they learn about the offense?

in typical flipflopfed fashion i refused to accept their explanation and presented them with many different scenarios - "what if i met you outside the door when you go out for your cigarette - you mean to tell me that you wouldn't take a report? NOPE; "what if i called 911 and reported my location as this substation - you mean you wouldn't take a report? NOPE."

after about 20 minutes of throwing out "what ifs" and coming to the conclusion that i was fighting a losing battle, i went home and performed the duties of the mpd myself - i called the owners of the purses and arranged for them to come and pick up their property.

well said keith olbermann

i'm in love!!!!

here's the thing ...

i want to believe will.I.am. i really do ...



but frankly, i'm having a difficult time when we live in a place where, on the exact same day that we shattered the ultimate color barrier, the people of three states decided that i'm a second class citizen and should not be given the same rights as the rest of the citizenry because of who i love and where the people of another state decided that i would not be an acceptable parent because of who i love.

so as the euphoria begins to fade and reality rears it's ugly head, i am reminded that, while one glass ceiling has been broken, many others remain ...

**and why is it that the one over my head seems to be made out of 7 in. bullet proof plexiglass reinforced with chicken wire and covered with a piece of steel that has been welded shut?

a preview of what's to come

i'm still basking in the euphoria that is the anticipation of the -

OBAMERA

(pronounce o-bam-er-a and it'll make sense)

so i don't really want to divert away any energy - positive or otherwise. but, there will soon come a time when i won't be able to contain my annoyance (perhaps teetering on the edge of rage?) and i will have to break down and express my frustration with -

california ... disney ... and ethiopia

because unfortunately, while one ceiling has been broken, many others remain.

once in a life time

"rosa parks sat down so the rest of us could stand up

we stood up so dr. king could march

dr. king marched so jesse could run

jesse ran so obama could win"

the preceding quote is attributed to former louisiana congressman cleo fields. the following is jay z's riff on the theme and the following following the "following" is a recount of my experience today.

"rosa parks sat so martin luther king could walk.

martin luther king walked so obama could run.

obama's running so we can fly"

this morning will no doubt go down as one of the most memorable times of my life. i woke up visibly excited to go and cast my vote for barack obama. i opened the door to head up the street and i was greeted by my next door neighbor with hands raised in the air - smile blazing - announcing that she had just returned from our polling place. as we talked, our other neighbor emerged from her house and asked if i was ready to go to vote. we walked the two blocks to the polling place and from more than half the distance could see that we would not be alone. the line stretched from the door, down the street, and around the block - easily 200 strong.

everyone was there - the old ladies from around the corner, the guy running for school board, the 18 year old who's frantically searching for a job, my favorite person to be nosy with, the jamaicans from across the street, the single father and his son, the corner boys who've never voted before. the line was long and the air was damp and cold, but the atmosphere rivaled that of a carnival.

and while this scene would be blog-worthy in almost any neighborhood, it was this experience ... in this particular neighborhood that sets it apart. this neighborhood, my neighborhood, is almost exclusively african american (and by exclusively, i mean everyone except me and kristin). the pride and anticipation on the faces of my neighbors was palpable. i could see the awe and wonder and was privileged to experience first hand, the collective realization that it was their turn to fly.

palin gets pranked

this is unbelievable! but really it's not because it's unbelievably true! the canadians are so much cooler than we are. ashton kutcher could have never pulled off this.

learning from lifetime

i've recently learned that the lifetime television network has a profound impact on many of the people with whom i come into contact on a daily basis. therefore, i bring you two episodes of "everything i need to know i learned on lifetime."

a while back, after returning at close to 2:00 am from receiving the life-altering diagnosis that our beloved hubert had a debilitating case of earwax, we came upon at least half of the 6th district police officers parked in front of our house. they had pulled over a woman for driving with a open container and were going through the motions of issuing a ticket. a rather benign scene you say. and it would have been if nay nay boo had not been out on the neighbor's porch taunting the police. at first, she just started in with the standard - "why are you always harassing people? there are people being murdered in this city and you're worried about an open bottle of beer." but, after realizing that the young, white, rookie woman officer was clearly paying attention to her every word, nay nay boo kicked it into high gear. (now i don't what it is, but every tranny i've ever met is funnier than the next. nay nay boo is just that much funnier.) she targeted the officer and began to question, in a very loud, theatrical voice, whether or not the officer was behaving like she was because she was racist. after a few go arounds with the rhetoric, nay nay boo decided that the woman was a racist and then explained why she had come to this conclusion - because she had seen it a million times on "lifetime." she went on to tell the officer that it was okay, but, in the end, the officer would get hers. and how would she get it? why she would have a daughter and that daughter would grow up and become impregnated by a black man and that baby would be half black and the officer would have to raise a half black baby because the officers daughter would become blind and end up dying of cancer ... and how did nay nay boo know this? "because that's what happens on lifetime!"

that brings me to tonight. tonight i was riding in the car with my neighbor and we began to discuss the prospect of me and kristin having kids. i told her that we were seriously planning right now and were trying to decide whether we will have a bio kid or whether we will adopt. at which point, she cautioned me that we need to be careful when we get sperm because a lot of crazy dope fiends donate just to get the money for more drugs. she also wanted me to understand that getting pregnant "that way" is not that easy. she told me a story about a woman who tried and tried but could not get pregnant - that was until she was raped by the doctor performing the insemination!? and how does she know this? she "saw it on lifetime."

i'm clearly watching the wrong station.