"oh, I don't know... i could go up to the pickle factory. they always need a brine tester."

there are many things about this city that annoy me to no end – no vote, abysmal public schools, dcra just to mention a few – but the united states capitol police (uscp) has to be what irks me the most. in my opinion, the force is an incompetent, expensive joke – about a $280 million joke.

the mission states that the uscp will protect and support the congress in meeting its constitutional responsibilities, but recent history shows that they can’t even do that all that well. a year or so ago, the uscp not only failed to stop a delusional man from driving his car through a barricade, but also failed to stop that man from running armed with a gun, coke and semi-clothed through the capitol. the man was eventually apprehended – in the basement of the capitol by employees of the flag office!

currently, one of their primary responsibilities is ensuring that no trucks or busses, except for the metro and commuter types, travel on either independence or constitution avenues, the streets that front the house and senate office buildings, respectively. i assume that they do this for many reasons, one being that they don’t want any large vehicle that could be filled with explosives that close to the capitol. however, they don’t stop suvs or cars. oh wait! it wouldn’t matter if they did. you see, last year the uscp arrested a man for carrying a loaded shotgun near the capitol. they searched his truck, but missed the BOMB behind the seat!

now, it’s being reported that the current class of recruits is at least one quarter filled with those who have a criminal record or did not pass the psychological background check. they've been dismissed. looks like these boys and girls will be joining barney fife at the pickle factory ...