these pigs must be packing heat

we all know that swine flu fever has spiked. it used to be in the past that the spring break kids would just bring back a sunburn or maybe an STD - a gift from mexico only to them. but, now they're sneezing, coughing and infecting the rest of us.

i don't think i'm particularly at risk for this virus so i'm rather uninterested in the coverage - except for two things ...

1) the department of health and human services sent out an alert today to all federal employees urging us to take precautions (sneeze into something, wash your hands), but did not say that we could have the day off; and

2) the us response to the swine flu is being coordinated ... not by hhs, the cdc, or the national institutes of health ... but by janet napolitano and the department of homeland security. HUH? are these swine also criminal drug dealers who are trying to illegally enter our homeland?

my advice - run if you see porky with a gun.

am i a lizard?

back in march 2008 i wrote about my new fascination with my uvula. now, i have a new new fascination with my tongue. why - because it's like something out of a science fiction movie!

yesterday i lost a chunk out of the left side of my tongue - a nice big gaping hole. it was not a pretty sight, nor was it particularly comfortable. i went to sleep hoping that today would be a better day and, lo and behold, i woke up nearly completely healed! no longer was i staring at a bloody divot; rather it was simply a small red depression. and as i get ready for bed, it's nothing more than an obvious scar.

yeah for my tongue!

giving up gay blogging

in an effort to remind myself that being a lesbian is just one part of me, i have decided that my next five blog posts will have nothing to do with -

*lesbians
*cats
*power tools
*flannel
*subarus
*u-hauls
*being handy
*rainbows
*the process of processing the process

wish me luck

it's all here for everyone

this is why i love massachusetts

the best worst hotel review ever

i was browsing through trip advisor today when i decided to find the worst hotel in dc - or at least the best review to paint the worst picture of a hotel in dc. i came across a lot of "bed bugs," "roaches," and "hair in the sheets" - so much so that the descriptions became prosaic. but then, oh then, i found this masterpiece (it's long, but worth every minute!) --

XXXX XXXXX-XXXX
Homeless & Unemployed
P.O. Box 34182, N.W.
Washington , D.C. 20043

THE ALLEN LEE HOTEL
November 16, 2007
The Allen Lee Hotel
2224 F Street, N.W.
Washington , D.C. 20037

Dear Abdullah Mohammad:

Customer Service is so important when it comes to running a business. The staff at the Allen Lee Hotel has not been properly trained. I experienced total chaos when lodging at the hotel. The hotel has a contract with The District of Columbia, Superior Court, Crime Victims Compensation Program.

The District of Columbia, Superior Court, Crime Victims Compensation Program paid for my stay. The contract was for thirty days. One night, I was walking from Foggy Bottom metrorail, I approached the corner of the hotel, I was about to walk in the front door, when the night Front Desk Agent ran behind me trying to have a conversation. I explained to the Front Desk Agent that I did not want to communicate with the hired-help unless it was in relation to cleaning the room.

The next day, I was assaulted by a male worker who prepares coffee and empties the trash. I called down to the front desk to report the incident and I was verbally abused by the same Front Desk Agent. The next day, I spoke with another male Front Desk Agent and he told me to get out of his face…..he was business. I tried to inform the Manager of the hotel on the behavior of the staff and he did nothing. One day, during my stay at the hotel I called Crime Victims Compensation Program to report the treatment I was receiving as a guest at the hotel.

I also called the Metropolitan Police because I was afraid for my life. Ms. Reed, Director of Crime Victims Compensation Program contacted the Manager of the hotel (Abdullah Mohammad) and resolved the issues. The hotel sits within the George Washington University campus; I had four interviews with the University, the first interview was with the Engineering Department, the second interview was with the Law School , the third interview was with the Advertising Department, and the fourth interview was with the Police Department.

The point is, I asked housekeeping if she could return to the room within fifteen minute, because I was conducting a telephone interview. She told me no and we started verbally abusing each other.

My final week at the Allen Lee Hotel , I have reason to believe that one of the staff members place a baby rat in the room. I called down to the front desk and informed the Front Desk Agent that there was a baby rat in room 505; he sent housekeeping to remove the baby rat. I asked the Front Desk Agent if they could place me in another room. I was placed in room 407. Removed the blanket from the mattress and there were roaches crawling on the top sheet. Called down to the front desk to report the roach problem; the Front Desk Agent supplies me with a can of RAID. Keep in mind, I'm in America .

November 16, 2007 , I returned the key to room 407 and a can of roach spray.

Sincerely,
XXXX XXXXX-XXXX
Fashion Consultant/ Personal Shopper

it's so secret that i forgot to tell myself

i was looking through my blog archives to find a previous post and i came across this enigmatic ditty.

huh?

it's bad when even the author has no clue as to the content or message behind the veiled language.

i'm as american as iowa

it must be a spring thing. april 2009 is turning out to be a good month for the gays - just like may was in 2008.

a few days ago, the fine legislators of vermont saw fit to continue pushing through a marriage bill and are working to organize votes to override a promised gubernatorial veto. however, as abby goodnough pointed out in the times today - new england is at the center of the gay marriage fight so it should really come as no surprise.

so then maybe the surprise is the ruling by the IOWA supreme court that lesbians and gays should have the right to marry. but these boys and girl (just one, but she is the chief!) didn't just say "hey, play nice heteros. stop picking on the homos and let them get married." no, these jurists said -

"we are firmly convinced the exclusion of gay and lesbian people from the institution of civil marriage does not substantially further any important governmental objective"

oh snap! doesn't really leave any room for interpretation, does it!

i leave you with the link to scott simon's commentary from this morning's weekend edition and my favorite quote from his musing -

"whatever the final result may be, it seems to me that the decision reminds us that gay life in america is not confined to certain zip codes of lower manhattan, west hollywood, miami's south beach and chicago's lakeview. it is as american as iowa."

this inspires GREAT confidence

today was a big day in bureaucracy - we handed out $44 billion dollars and our technology people were scheduled to run a "disaster recovery failback." the notice for the later sent a few days ago stated that this test needed to be done "to help ensure that the department's websites have continuous availability during a disaster."

then this message came today from our tech people -

due to technical difficulties, disaster recovery failback is being rescheduled to a future date

what's that you say? a meteor is hurling towards earth and is set to destroy our online capabilities? well, could you tell it to wait? we seem to be having technical difficulties ...

NNNNNNNNOOOOOoooooooooo!

according to the newspaper of record the guiding light will be extinguished in september. and frankly, up until a few weeks ago, i could not have cared less. that was before i found out that carly was a lesbian. now, i'm devastated.

(i'm still holding out hope that this is just a poor, and plain mean-spirited, attempt at an april fool's day joke - kind of like to dykedom what the conficker worm was to computerdom. but, in my broken heart, i know i'm wrong. oh well, better to live in the reality of my own personal lesbian soap opera!)