the first time you realize you can't talk to them anymore

in september 2009 i posted about my friend townsend who passed away. she was so important to me and i'm realizing that i never told her that enough. truth be told, i've only thought of her on occasion since the day she died. guess i was kind of numb and was moving on.

today was the first day since the minute that i found out she had died that i've had a ridiculously strong desire to pick up the phone and talk with her. i came across something online that i knew she would find amusing - in fact, she's probably the only person that would have had a big belly laugh over it. it's been all that i can do to keep my hand off the phone.

what i wouldn't give for 5 more minutes ...

wanted: a moratorium on death

i understand that one of the challenges of growing older is that many that you care about are growing even older. and while wisdom and experience come with age, so does illness. all that to say that i'm done with death. i feel like i've experienced more death since december than most people do in a lifetime - the most recent being my dear, dear friend laura townsend who passed this morning.

townsend, as she was affectionately know, was a super woman. we met while teaching at elmhurst middle school in oakland, ca. she was in her mid to late sixties working on her third or fourth career and i was 24 fresh out of college looking to change the world. from day one, she took me under her wing. i truly believe that she was sent to me as a replacement grandmother. she was so much like my grandmother - except that my grandmother was neither black nor a lesbian - and filled that void in my life when i desperately needed someone to fill that role.

townsend and i have been through many years together with many things to celebrate and many things to mourn. through it all, she was my light. she some how also let me know that life was going to work out and we were going to be just fine.

and in the words of townsend - death can kiss my royal ethiopian ass!