the unacknowledged 500 pound gorilla: it's the depression stupid

just so you don't have to wonder what this seemingly invisible behemoth might be, i'll start by stripping away the veil.  

U N T R E A T E D    M E N T A L    I L L N E S S

too many recent stories include untreated mental illness.  aurora, co ... sandy hook ... train jumpers ... men and women who do unfathomable things to those they know and those they don't know ... aaron swartz.

the thing is that mental illness is a naturally occurring part of our human existence - just like physical and intellectual disabilities, just like disease, just like genius, just like athleticism, and on and on and on.

but the other thing is - few acknowledge this fact and even fewer seem willing to do what is necessary to: 1) provide the funding necessary to put an adequate system in place to address untreated mental illness; and 2) provide the funding necessary to provide the education necessary to destigmatize, decriminalize, and legitimize mental illness.  i truly believe that without addressing #2 we will never get to number #1 because people will continue to hide - both the afflicted and the affected - and not seek treatment.

this is really bothering me now specifically because aaron swartz hanged himself.  as he repeatedly acknowledged, he lived with debilitating depression.  however, most articles gloss over this fact.  instead the authors focus on over-aggressive prosecutors, the pitfalls of too much too soon.  yes, he was facing a life altering charge.  yes he could have been bankrupted by the fine.  yes he could have gone to jail.  and i'm sure each of those aspects of his uncertain future played a role in his decision to hang himself.  but the bottom line is he was severely depressed.  

the depression was the deciding factor.  depression would not allow him to think rationally.  depression did not allow him to leave the past or stop worrying about the future.  

it was depression.  it was depression.  it was depression.  it was depression.

but it doesn't have to be this way.  there are plenty of people with mental illness that live perfectly "normal" and productive lives.  it's treated mental illness.  they - we - blend in and make us - you - laugh, think, smile, cry.  they - we - challenge and teach us - you.  they - we - lead and follow.  they - we - are your family, friends, neighbors, colleagues, pastors, elected officials and on and on and on.

same vote, different feeling

four years ago at this moment i was euphoric and realizing that i was witnessing history.  don't get me wrong, it's pretty exciting, and an enormous privilege, to participate in something as important as voting for those who will lead you, but today had a different feeling.  

maybe it was relief?  relief that it's finally over.  relief that i finally made my voice heard - officially.  relief to know that, regardless of political persuasion, i will still have my friends in the morning.  but ... but, there's something more ... or less.  

maybe it was ordinary?  it seemed more like an exercise today.  maybe it's because i'm trying to protect myself?  i admit that's it difficult to listen for months and months about how i might be less of a person - because i'm gay, because i'm a woman, because i work in an agency that some believe is an unnecessary waste of taxpayer money. 

but then, i felt energized by the fight.  i want to fight for who i am and what i value.  my vote was my knockout punch.

think i might be back

i can't believe that i haven't even been on this blog since july 2011. don't have anything to say right now. just wanted to let you know that i'm back.

gratuitous

"prophet" or full of shit?

spent the last 1/2 hour watching the "prophets" on word tv (kristin's just rolling her eyes!) - a few observations -

1) who made them prophets? "prophet" seems like a term that you don't throw around lightly.

2) they've said a lot of words, but haven't said a thing except they want me to give $48 to receive blessings for the next 48 hours. personally i think i'd have a better chance for 48 hours of blessings if i didn't break the chain and forwarded the rack of "forward this to 10 people or you're going to get a boil that won't heal" emails that are currently clogging up my inbox.

3) the main prophet is going on the road over the next few weeks for a series of "prophetic releases" ending with the "great prophetic release." all i haven't to say is lock your bathrooms and don't open them until you're sure he's moved on to the next town.

right up there with "walter the farting dog"

Bill Maher's New Rules - Osama Edition

couldn't have said it better myself!

making her famous

totally forgot that tomorrow is mother's day and didn't even send a card! but you can all help me by making my mom famous because there's no better present than that. if you wouldn't mind - forward this link to everyone you know + 10 people that you sort of know + 5 people that you really don't know, but are hoping to get to know better and ask them to leave a comment on the blog telling my mom -

how pretty she is
how famous she is
how nice her hands are
how you never seen a better picture of someone sticking out their tongue during a professional photo shoot

i will then forward her all of the comments and it will be the BEST mother's day present ever!

thanks for your help. by the way, nothing will happen if you don't forward this on in the next 10 minutes - no death, destruction, bad luck etc. but, you will help me dig myself out of the procrastinator's hole. oh, and not to make you feel guilty, but i'd totally do it for you :)

back yard baby birds

spring has sprung and the eggs are all hatching. we have 4 little somethings living under our air conditioner and they're very loud!


but even cooler is the little something that was learning to fly today and he was sitting right next to me while i picked spinach out of the garden - while mom and dad watched from the tree above.

welcome to america

today was a day of confusion and clarity -


riding the bus home today and a woman looking rather clueless boarded after me. she mumbled something to the driver and he told her to just sit down. what she, clearly a tourist with limited english proficiency, said was - "is this the bus to georgetown?" what he she should have told her is what a horrified middle-aged woman barked -"honey, you couldn't be going more in the wrong direction! you're headed over the bridge and there aint no georgetown over there. you need to go back the other direction!" she still look confused and a young boy put his hand on her shoulder and said - "welcome to america ma'am!"


yes, osama is dead; or as the newspaper seller hawking the evening edition of the examiner at eastern market was yelling -

"extra, extra! it took obama to get bin laden!"

"we got him," obama stated emphatically, but i don't think it's as easy as that. bin laden, while despicable and detestable, was not the root of all evil and it would be presumptuous and dangerous to think that we're safer now than we were yesterday. i think that the most disturbing part for me have been all of the stories about the college students celebrating in front of the white house early into the morning. many of those students were from george washington university, my alma mater. at first i was perplexed as to why someone would go to celebrate that a person, again no matter how despicable and detestable, was shot twice in the body and once in the head at close range. it seems beyond explanation. but then i became even more dumbfounded as reports emerged that some of these kids were engaging in debaucherous behavior under the guise of celebrating the death of a man, no matter how despicable and detestable, who was shot twice in the body and once in the head at close range. petula dvorak sort of felt the same way.

but then i got home and the world started to make sense again. why, you ask? because i was greeted by pictures of pippa middleton that i inadvertently left on my screen last night. come on - woman, man - it doesn't matter. that dress is inspirational!






so welcome to america and god bless the flipflopfed! after all, where else could you get a story from the bus, commentary on bin laden and a gratuitous shot of pippa middleton all in the same blogpost?

it's been a while dad

today marks one year since my dad passed away. not really sure how i feel about it or even how i feel about how i feel. i wonder if i'm supposed to be sad? crying? melancholy? mournful?

i definitely miss him, but there was such a sense of relief that he no longer had to fight to stay alive and that i could let my mind rest.

my mom went to visit him today down by the river and she told me that he really likes the wind chime that we put up a few weeks ago. "not too loud and not to girly," she reported :) i decided to spend part of my day doing something that my dad would have done - volunteering at the food bank. delivering lunches and dinners for meals on wheels was one of his great joys in life.

maybe i'll cry tomorrow, but today's been a good day just the way it was.

harry and pippa 2012

i'm starting a campaign to marry off prince harry and pippa middleton. they make a striking couple!

in the name of the father, son and holy spiggot

i didn't get up at 4:00 am, but i have now watched the royal wedding. while it was beautiful, i couldn't help but be completely distracted by my thought that i seen this whole thing once before. no, not the nuptials of charles and diana (although i did get up to watch those - the difference between a 10 year old body and a 39 year old body, i guess); rather one of my favorite movies of all time -

four weddings and a funeral

indulge me before you disagree.

beautiful main characters? check!

goofy rectors? check!

gay friends? check!

john hannah? check!

alright. maybe the pictures haven't convinced you, but watch this scene from four weddings and a funeral and then tell me that i'm wrong.

the wedding of
bernard geoffrey st. john delaney and lydia jane hibbot

there's another great scene where everyone is singing "jerusalem" by charles hubert hastings perry and the camera keys on the characters who are less than impressed with everyone's singing - just like what happened today at westminister abbey.

i rest my case and andi mcdowell and hugh grant should immediately seek royalties from today's broadcast because it was a ripoff!

god save the queen.

* i didn't want to taint my analysis with pettiness, but someone HAS to talk to the archbishop about those eyebrows! i know he's sort of a big deal in the church of england and all, but he was marrying the future king and queen. he didn't have to cut them, but a little gel wouldn't have hurt.

yeah for friends and family abroad!

a cousin living in japan and friends living in guatemala and mongolia mean that i have an international readership. they're not my first repeat multinational readers though. last year i had a frequent flier from nigeria who needed me to help him cash a check. he was such a nice young man!

the prayers of righteous PEOPLE availeth much!*

check kristin's fb page in just a few minutes and you will see that your prayers have worked! she is FINALLY profiled with a current picture!



*with all respect to james, narrowing the prayers to just one righteous man was far too limiting. this took all of us to get her to replace that head shot from 2003!

hey mom! what if ...

... i told you something that irritated you ...







... i said we're not going on any more boat rides today ...









... you won and we did take yet another tour
of annapolis harbor!

bet wonder woman wishes she had some

back in october i traveled to the great state of kansas right around the same time that the tsa launched that full body scanner. turns out though that kansas - really missouri because the airport's in that kansas city - did not have access to said full body scanner so everyone wearing clothes that were not form fitting was subjected to a front-of-the-hand pat down. i was one of those people since i was wearing a dress. i was a little irritated because i felt that the policy targeted women. to save them the trouble of putting on the rubber gloves, i quickly lifted my dress up over my head to expose absolutely nothing as i was wearing the dress because i liked it; not to hide contraband.

flash forward to today. i was returning to dc from my mom's house in upstate new york. i intentionally wore a sports bra because the substantial under wire on my traditional braziere always triggers a pat down. i made it to the magnetometer and ... it buzzed. they brought me over to the search area and the tsa agent asked if i had any metal to which i replied ...

nothing but my titanium nipples.

true story.

just like me playing with barbies kept me straight

there's in uproar in the conservative press about a j. crew ad where an employee relishes the fact that her 5 year old boy likes to have his toes painted ... pink. the outrage is that this ad will encourage kids to be gay, or dare i say, trans!

so many flaws to this theory that i don't even know where to begin; so i won't.

when you need to make a choice

apologies in advance to those who end up saying - huh? - but it's one of those "you either get it or you don't" and explaining it won't make it easier to understand or any funnier once you understand ...

the scene: non-profit organization board meeting

the context: having a discussion to determine whether or not we should revise our board membership requirements; one suggestion was to extend the definition of "mennonite" to include other mennonite churches other than hyattsville or even to other anabaptist traditions

my response: "i'd rather have a like-minded atheist than an evangelical anabaptist"

classic line if i must say so myself - so i do!

not a win for women's reproductive rights in the district of columbia

obviously i've watched the last few days of news with keen interest; after all, it's been my livelihood at stake. and like many americans, i was irritated to think that the right to show up, do my job and earn a living was pinned to an attempt to legislate through the budget process. but in the end, common sense won out when obama and the democrats, my people, stood firm in their commitment not to agree to any deal that defunded planned parenthood. the rider disappeared and the democrats and obama agreed to the proposed budget cuts and proclaimed a hard-won social victory on behalf of womens' reproductive freedom. but was it really?

no. while defunding planned parenthood did not happen, the newly approved federal budget deal contains a provision that the district of columbia may not use LOCAL funds to support a low-income woman's right to choose. that's right, congress - both democrats and republicans - , with obama's approval, has told the tax paying citizens of the district of columbia what they can and cannot do with their local tax dollars. where's the national outrage over that?! i'll make it easy - there is none.

can you imagine the federal government telling arizona that it can no longer spend its local dollars to enforce its undocumented worker policies? of course not, because it would never happen. first, the arizona congressional delegation would band together to prevent it and other states would begin the cries of states rights. but, that's what happens when you're not a state, when you don't have a vote and when the only representation you have is a city government that no one takes seriously because it's such an embarrassment.

taxation without representation is alive and well!